six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
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No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
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I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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