You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize