I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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