My underwear smells like fireworks.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i will never coherently bang her
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
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I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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