apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
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May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
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I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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