Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you so shy because you have an std?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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