Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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