Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
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i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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