His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize