Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
bring money and cleavage
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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