I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
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From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
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I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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