god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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