So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize