so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
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OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
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My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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