Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
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The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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