i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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