I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize