I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
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The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize