That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
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I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
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I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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