we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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