Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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