I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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