Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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