wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Everything about him screamed your future.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
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That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
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That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
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