I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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