drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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