Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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