I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
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It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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