I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
its liver damage thursday
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize