census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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