Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize