i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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