Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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