That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize