I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
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I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
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Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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