The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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