Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
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He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
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Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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