doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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