Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
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My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
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Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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