I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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