I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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