if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize