Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
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I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
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Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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