The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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