I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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