I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize