I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
even my farts smell like vagina
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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