Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
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Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
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my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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