Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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