You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
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Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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