I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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